theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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