babies were throwing up all over the place
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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