So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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