help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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