I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
