The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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