sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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