How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
