she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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