I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
