Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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