We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
