Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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