i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
