he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
