I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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