Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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