I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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