theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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