Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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