there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
