Betty ford says i'm here all night
too bad you live with your parents still
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
