my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
