I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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