You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
