I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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