Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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