You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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