I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
