Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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