she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
