I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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