goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
