wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
