We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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