are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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