We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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