I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
