Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
