We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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