He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
