do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
