I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
