Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
