how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
