A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
