We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
