Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
