Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
