she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
