every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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