My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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