Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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