I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
