i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
