I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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