i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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