Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
