i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
