I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
