im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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