in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
