Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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