dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
