just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
