Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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