I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
