you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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