How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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