I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
