This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
