My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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