Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
