we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
