1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
