Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
