you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
