I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
