we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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