Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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