I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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