so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
